Hope Is Emo

Well... where to start.

The fireworks downtown by the river were yesterday. That was fun I guess. Well it actually was. I don't really remember what happened on Tuesday... wait, Nicole came over and she slept over. We stayed up for awhile, she mwessed with Will's mind. The next day I went to the fireworks and hungg out with Jenn, Dustin (random guy I met last friday on a bus, turned out to be Jenn's best friend), Toni, Joshyboy, Yvette, and some others. I ran into Curtis and his boyfriend, so I hung around with them for awhile... went to Coffee Exchange for a coffee, called Tracey and found ehr and Nick tohugh it actually took me about 5 minutes to find them. They were about 10 metres infront of em but I didn't notice, they saw me but I didn't see them... so they were laughing, so was I. It was pretty funny to be honest. I saw Dustin again before I went back to Curtis and his boyfriend to get my coat... then I went back to Nick and Tracey, I also met some girl who knew Curtis named Jessica. She was pretty cool. Aarohi eventually showed up again about 30 minutes before the fireworks... it was great fun. After teh fireworks we ahd to get to the lune for the free buses back to the different malls... the line was so long so we went to Timmy's for a bit and Nick biked home... the fireworks started at 10, ended at about 10:30 or 10:45, we didn't get in line for the bus until 11:20 probably, we didn't get on until 12:00, and we didn't get home until 12:30. it was fun though...

Today I went shopping with my grandmother... She spent money on me for clothes so I was happy; a skirt, two shirts, two bandanas, and a pair of sandals. It was $150... That's what happpens when you shop at expensive places like me... damn...

Tracey called me around 1 or so, I met up with her around 2... we went downtown... went for coffee, went to the river, wandered around... went for dinner at the mexican place... went for coffee again, went to my place... went to Tecumseh... met Matt... got alcohol... met up with Keith... went to Keith's... had a cooler with Tracey... biked home with Tracey... got home aroun11:10 or something... now I'm talking to Kris about the party tomorrow. Steve will be there, maybe I can rekindle our friendship. I hope so anyways.

Yeah, ok... so my last exam was today, right? It was pretty eassy. It was geography. I gave Tracey the $20 for the stuff we're buying... I was opnly in the exam for about an hour or so. I was at one of the stairwells with her. I rode my bike to school so we were by the stairwell by the bike racks... outside was Andrew (the guy I once went out with and all that), his younger brother, my firned Josh, and Andrew's best friend Pat. Coincidently I was talking to Pat online last night. Anyways, I didsn't want to go outside because of them and because of the june bugs, I have a fear of them, ugh! I despise them so much. Ohh, at one point Tracey and I were play fighting, I stole her shoe from her and some other things and at one point we ended on the ground, it was pretty funny, but Josh said they could see us outside and that Andrew's little brother said something about, ooh, lesbien sex. That was slightly entertaining but yeah, whetever. Anyways, Mr. Isshack, the autoshop teacher has been trying to get me to overcome my fear of these june bug things for like 2 weeks now. He was on hall duty during exams, so he was trying to come up with all these ways for me to go outside and get to my bike without being too afraid. The door was partially open to the bike racks so Sir called over Andrew and started talkign to him then I told him no, so he told Andrew to go back, then I asked him what he was doing and I finally agreed to let Sir talk to Andrew. Of course Sir's idea was to have Andrew help me to the bike racks by having him like hold on to me and take me outside and encourage me, etc. I thought that was a little funny and it felt so good to feel his touch again. I don't know how he felt but oh well I guess... he was being nice about it and told me not to worry, etc. So I hope that him and I can become friends again, I adore him, hehe... well I mean friends in life, not just through email.

Anyways, I need to call Mike now, I'm supposed to help with some filming today. I can't wait, it should be good experience... yeah, I'm in a film club thing. We make small film shorts and feature films every 4 to 5 months or so... I joined about 2 months ago I think. It's pretty cool and pretty fun... tohugh I'm the youngest member. Everyone else is about 21-26. It's still fun though. Alice is going to come along and maybe join when she moves back to canada from England. I miss her so much, her and I are going to have a blast once she gets back though I'm sure.

Ok, well I'm not one to "be" emo or anything but everyone has to vent, right? Ok, so here it goes... this guy I totally fell for 8 months ago decided that him and I should just be firends... for real this time. We went out in October for 4 weeks, broke up, two months later I told him how I felt, we had a thing going on for a little over a month, then we broke that off because he felt bad about something he did, then two months later we discussed some things online and fixed our problems, so we met up, things happened, now a month or 4 weeks or whatever after, he's decided we should just be friends again... not even friends in life, like we don't get to hang out together at all. I guess it's a good idea but it is honestly torture. Everytime we see each other in life or talk on MSN we alwasy end up deciding to hang out or do things together... for some reason we try to just be friends but it never works... I mean we can have a friendship and go out but not just be friends. It's very odd. We have the most interestiung conversations about all sorts of things, history, religion, video games, literature, etc. I don't really understand why we cannot just be friends without doing anything though. I guess we could keep doing this but the problem is that he doesn;t really want a gf, or maybe it's that he is finally realizing that we cannot keep this up forever. It's rather painful for me but I want him so much... and his logicalness, grr.... I know ogicalness is not a word but it's the only word to describe him besides saying "anti-social gamer". Even handcuffs were involved... Err, forget I said that, you do not need to know. It gets worse though, I'm doing alright and I know I will eventually get over it but in the meantime I ahve 3 guys that like me... it's weird, I'm not used to guys liking me or having feelings for me so this is causing me to freak out and break down. I am confused alot now because I don't have feelings for any of them. It doesn't help any to know that I found out this the day after the guy I went out wth said we should just be friends... only trough email. Hey, at least he thinks that oneday him and I will be able to be friends without him trying to get into my shirt or pants... he thinks of me as a good friend too which is actually very rare... seeing as he actually only hangs out with 6 or so people and they are all guys.